Two Steps Back Page 5

  She checked her watch. “If you’re not here in 10 minutes, Johnny, you’re on your goddamn own.

  Hunger crept through her body, gnawing at her insides, and for the first time Jaylah realized she hadn’t eaten all day. She had been too nervous to eat, scared whatever she ingested would come rushing up her throat. Her plan was to pick Johnny up, have lunch, and get him settled into his hotel, but that had been nearly two hours ago and she was barely holding on.

  Five minutes. She prepared herself for the worst and wondered what she would tell her parents about his sudden Houdini act. Her mother would certainly see Johnny’s failure to materialize as yet another reason Jaylah needed to forget about London and stay in L.A., but that was off the table.

  “No matter what happens, I’m going to do what’s best for me,” she told herself. She had spent the majority of her 28 years living for others—her parents, her friends, her job—she wouldn’t add Johnny to the list.

  “I love him like crazy, but I come first,” she reminded herself, “I come first.”

  A fresh group of travelers descended the escalator and Jaylah gave them a passing glance. Time was up. She stood to stretch, grabbed her purse, and took one last look at the group before she headed toward the door. She massaged the back of her neck and walked through the sliding glass. When she stepped outside her phone buzzed.

  “COMING DOWN NOW.”

  Johnny’s message stopped her cold. Jaylah peered through the plate-glass windows and saw him—shoulders slumped, shirt rumpled, head swiveling back and forth, scanning the room. He didn’t look like the self-assured man she fell in love with; he was a mess.

  A minute ago she was pissed off and ready to leave, now she was moving through the crowd toward the escalator, a smile tugging at her heart.

  Johnny saw her standing at the foot of the stairway and returned her smile. He jogged down the remainder of the steps, grabbed her tight around the waist, and covered her forehead and cheeks with warm kisses.

  “What happened?” she asked. “I was just about to leave.”

  “I’m so sorry, babes,” he breathed into her neck. “Customs. They detained me.”

  “What?” Jaylah searched his face. His eyes were bloodshot and tiny lines crisscrossed his forehead. His usually luminous dark skin appeared dull and ashen, and though he was always impeccably dressed, his clothes were disheveled. “Why would they detain you?”

  “Being black with an African name can trigger these types of things. It’s happened before, but they didn’t give me a reason this time. They just kept me waiting, asked a lot of questions, and subjected me to several searches. I had to turn off my phone, which is why I couldn’t let you know what was happening. I’m sorry for worrying you.”

  “It’s okay,” Jaylah said, kissing his cheek. “I’m glad you made it safely.”

  Johnny smiled the smile that usually caused Jaylah’s clothes to fall off. “Well, I’m here and I’ve had a rough go of it, does this mean you’ll tell me the news now?”

  “Soon. I’m starving. Let’s get out of here and get something to eat. I function a lot better on a full stomach.”

  “Sounds like a plan.”

  Jaylah slid her hand in his and led the way to the parking lot. Johnny had been a man of his word. She had asked him to travel 5,000 miles just to have a conversation and he’d shown up without hesitation. She wasn’t sure what would happen to them, but in that moment, she felt like her father was right. Everything would turn out fine.

  * * *

  Jaylah and Johnny strolled along the cobblestone promenade of Fisherman’s Village in Marina del Rey. After waiting all afternoon to eat, she gorged herself on jumbo shrimp, French fries, and the largest ice cream cone Johnny claimed to have ever seen.

  Unlike Jaylah, he nibbled on his salmon trying not to leg jet lag and impatience overtake him. As they walked along the wharf, she knew he wanted to hear what she had to say, but took pleasure in making him wait just a little while longer.

  “Thank you,” she whispered when they stopped to stare at a boat trudging through the harbor.

  Johnny wrapped his arms around her and she relaxed into his embrace. “For what?”

  “For coming. For moving out. For putting up with my shit.”

  He kissed her cheek. “No worries, babes. I know you’re testing me.”

  She stared up at him, surprised he’d caught on to her plan. “Testing you?”

  “Yes. But I get it. I fucked up, and you’re trying to see if I’ll fuck up again.”

  He was right; Jaylah had been waiting to see if Johnny would falter. Would he lie to her again? Would he prove himself untrustworthy? Would he cheat on her the same way he’d stepped out on his wife?

  “And will you?” she asked.

  “No, I don’t plan on it, babes.”

  You didn’t plan on cheating on your wife with me, either. And you didn’t plan on knocking me up, she wanted to tell him, but she gazed at the water instead.

  Jaylah rested her head against Johnny’s chest and imaged what their life would look like a year from now. She’d be a vet at Glamour, regularly crafting features for the website and the print magazine; they’d own stylish flat in Highbury that would house her books and his record collection; they’d go on dates to the theater or Ronnie Scott's; they’d make love every night because they couldn’t keep their hands off each other; and somehow, despite their too-full life, she and Johnny would raise the most beautiful baby the world had ever seen.

  “So, about what I said on the phone,” Jaylah said, inching toward her news.

  Jaylah could feel his body tense up beneath her; apparently Johnny was bracing for the worst as well.

  “Yes?”

  “I think…” she paused, stretching the moment out as long as possible. “I think I want to give it a shot.”

  He spun her around to face him. “You serious?” A smile shot across his handsome face before it turned serious again. “Wait, what does, ‘give it a shot mean’?”

  “The baby. I’m going to have the baby, Johnny.” She stared into his face, which grew into an enormous grin. “I just hope I’m making the right choice.”

  Jaylah started to cry. They were not just tears of joy; she was terrified, excited, and unsure of herself all at once. She’d thought about the blob, her baby, for the past few weeks, and although she wasn’t sure she was ready to be a mother, Jaylah could never bring herself to make the appointment to end her child’s life either.

  Despite the pressure, she wasn’t having this baby for her mother or Jourdan or even Johnny. She had made this choice on her own, based on her own gut instincts. No matter what happened between them, Jaylah knew she could pull this parenting thing off—even if she had to do it alone.

  “Oh my God, Jaylah. Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you,” Johnny found her mouth and thanked her with his tongue. When he pulled away, she noticed the corners of his eyes were damp.

  “Are you crying?

  “No,” he laughed, wiping his face. “I was hoping you would keep the baby, but I wasn’t sure you actually would. This is the happiest day of my life, Jaylah.”

  “Your entire life?” she asked, cocking an eyebrow.

  “Yes, it’s right up there with the day we rode the London Eye. That changed everything, innit.”

  He was right; that day had been the beginning of them. Before that afternoon she chalked up her attraction to him as fleeting and purely carnal, but after that day, she wanted to be an irreplaceable part of his world.

  Had she willed this to happen? Jaylah would never have gotten pregnant on purpose, but the baby cemented her place in Johnny’s life.

  Today she was happy. Today she tried not to let her fears and doubts overtake her joy. Today she felt loved and cared for and protected. Had Johnny asked her to marry him again in that moment she would have said yes, but he hadn’t.

  And she was thankful.

  Even though she’d agreed to have the baby, their relationship would
still take work. Jaylah had to work to trust him again, work to take him at his word, and work to love him without conditions.

  Before they left, Jaylah asked the Goddess of the Sea to give her the strength to put herself first—no matter what.

  Nine

  “Why don’t you join me,” Johnny said, patting the empty space on the bed.

  Jaylah heard him in the distance, but was transfixed by the view of the ocean outside his window. A million thoughts fought for space inside her brain. How would she break the news of her pregnancy to her editor? Could she work until the day she gave birth? How much time would she need to take off? Would Johnny’s divorce be final before their child was born? Would she even be a good mother?

  Usually Jaylah was alone when she spiraled down the long and winding rabbit hole of her mind, but this time Johnny was there. And he wanted her attention. Jaylah didn’t mean to tune him out, but her brain would not shut off, no matter how much she wished it would.

  He crossed the room, slung an arm around her waist, and kissed her on the neck. “What are you thinking about?”

  “Everything,” she said, wanting to keep her private thoughts to herself for a while. She knew Johnny loved her. She could tell by the way he looked at her, adoringly, like she was the sun breaking through a cloudy London day. But Jaylah also knew Johnny wanted her to just give in—to him, to his demands, their love affair—and she wasn’t sure she could do that just yet.

  Jaylah had dreams, big ones that sometimes scared the shit out of her, but also made her feel flat out alive. Moving to another country had always been a dream, but she suppressed it and instead put her head down and busted her ass at the L.A. Weekly hoping that one day she’d be able to spend a summer in Cape Town or jet to Paris to write about the influence of pop culture abroad.

  That felt like eons ago. Three years after she’d graduated from NYU Jaylah had relegated her dreams to some hazy spot in the future that damn near disappeared from view. But then she got fired. And her life suddenly shifted in such a severe way she couldn’t help but find the pieces of herself that had been scraped away by work, family, and her surrender to responsibility.

  “Can’t you do that later?” He skimmed the base of her neck with his lips and coaxed her back to reality. “It’s been a while, innit?”

  “Has it?”

  “Yes. You’ve been upset with me, so a brotha’s been cut off,” he said, finding her lips, taking his time to linger over her full pout before kissing her. She could feel him trembling, perhaps even aching. It had been a weeks since they fused their bodies together and danced.

  “Is that right?” she asked, already knowing the answer.

  “Mmm hmm. But we can make up for lost time.” Johnny caressed her breasts through the soft fabric of her dress, giving her nipple a playful pinch. “I don’t plan on leaving this room for the next two days.”

  She turned to face him. “That’s a lot of time indoors. How will you keep from getting bored?”

  “Oh, I have a few ideas.” He slipped her dress over her head and running his tongue along her collarbone.

  “Leave it on,” she commanded, grabbing for the gauzy fabric.

  He stared at her confused. “Why?”

  “I’m fat. Look at me.” Jaylah threw her hands up, already self-conscious about her growing abdomen. “I’m only eight weeks along and I already look so pregnant!”

  Johnny flung his head back and laughed. “We must be looking at two different people, innit.” He took the dress and chucked it across the room. “You look stunning, as always, love.”

  “You’re just saying that because you want some.”

  “Yes,” he said, pressing into her, revealing the bulge straining against his zipper. “But also because it’s the truth.”

  She eyed him in disbelief, refusing to completely yield to his touch, too busy caught up in her own head.

  Before she could say anything else, Johnny scooped her up and carried Jaylah to the bed, placing her on the duvet as if she were a fragile box and he was scared to break whatever it contained. He straddled her legs, unclasping her bra and tossing it over his shoulder before leaning in to her nipples. They instinctively swelled as soon as his tongue grazed her skin, reminding her of how long it had actually been since they’d made love.

  Too long, Jaylah’s body seemed to moan in response to his touch, way too damn long.

  Johnny slid her panties down and traced her legs in warm kisses until he got to the space between her thighs. He stuck his tongue into the damp opening, gently probing her walls and lapping up her nectar until Jaylah let out faint ooohs and ahhhs, cheering him on.

  Jaylah stared down the length of her body and watched Johnny slurp her up until he found the spot, that spot, that made her writhe beneath him, begging for more. Please, please, please she thought, but could not get out more than a whimper. Instead, she moved her hips faster as the pressure grew in her loins, hoping Johnny would get the hint and climb inside her.

  A growing rumble vibrated through Jaylah’s body, threatening to take her over the edge. She bit her lip and enjoyed the sparks shooting through her belly. Johnny continued to drink her up until she let out a sharp breath, then released the pressure building in her body by screaming out his name like it was an ancient chant.

  Johnny, Johnny, Johnny. Damn, Johnny.

  Unable to wait any longer, he slid into her and moved in slow, deep circles, nibbling on her earlobe and whispering vulgar phases that excited her even more. She grabbed his ass, pulling him deeper into her body, fusing them together once again. Johnny’s body felt like home, warm, familiar and welcoming of her touch.

  “I love you, Jaylah,” he panted between strokes that felt so, so good she could hardly concentrate. “I love you, girl. I love you.”

  He rolled Jaylah onto her side and entered her from behind, caressing her taut nipples and kissing her shoulder as he pounded into her. They moved together, keeping each other’s rhythm as if nothing had gone wrong between them.

  It had been weeks since they made love, weeks of arguing over phone lines and text messages, weeks of hurt feelings followed by promises that things would work out, weeks of doubts. But in that moment they were completely in sync, moving as a singular person being fueled by a singular craving.

  Johnny slipped a finger inside her and rubbed Jaylah’s clit as he moved within her. She felt an immediate sensation radiate through her body and the tension between her thighs multiplied tenfold, causing her to quake for a second time. He quickened his pace, and Jaylah braced herself for the orgasm quickly winding its way through her frame.

  Then it happened. She lost control, convulsing as waves of passion crashed against her thighs, fingers, toes, breasts, and finally rushed to straight to her head. Johnny continued thrusting, tightly grabbing her hips and tugging a handful of Jaylah’s hair until he let out a primal grunt and collapsed beside her.

  They gasped for air, trying to recover from what had just transpired between them. His head lay across her back, and she turned to face him.

  “I missed you, too,” Jaylah said, touching the side of his smooth face.

  Johnny chuckled. “But do you love me?”

  “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”

  “I don’t know. You could be using me for my body,” he teased.

  “True, it is pretty awesome. I mean, did you see how you picked me up?” They laughed, and then slipped into the comfortable silence of satisfied, post-coital couples.

  “So…” Jaylah hesitated, finally speaking up. “My parents want to meet you.”

  “Good. When?”

  “Tomorrow. My mom is cooking ‘a proper dinner,’” Jaylah said, mimicking her mother.

  “Hmmm, sounds formal. I didn’t bring a suit.”

  “You don’t need a suit, they just want to know what kind of man you are.”

  “Did you tell them about…”

  Jaylah looked at him like he was crazy. “Your wife?”

 
“My pending divorce,” he corrected her.

  “No. And we aren’t going to, okay? That would be an invitation for them to hate you and you want to make a good impression.”

  “Then I better get a suit,” he chortled. “I’m going to take a shower, then you can take me to find one, yeah?”

  “I thought you weren’t leaving this room for two days.”

  “Change of plans, babes.” He kissed her. “But don’t worry. That was only the beginning.” Johnny winked then disappeared into the bathroom.

  Only the beginning, she thought. Of what?

  Jaylah hoped for good things, hoped her parents would love Johnny as much as she did, but she knew her mother would be tough to win over.

  She prayed this was the beginning of their happy, drama-free life, but she knew they had a few more obstacles to clear before they could be one little blissful family. In her heart, she believed they could handle her parents, the baby, her job, and Johnny’s divorce. But her mind, that thing that just wouldn’t shut off, had its doubts.

  Jaylah didn’t know which one was right, but in that moment she knew she would follow her heart, wherever it lead.

  Ten

  “So, where do you want to go?” she asked once they were back in the car.

  “Where can I get a good suit?”

  “Depends. Do you want to drop a few hundred dollars at J.C. Penny, or a few thousand at Armani?”

  Johnny scrunched up his face, “J.C. Penny? What’s that?”

  Jaylah chuckled, remembering how she used to love looking through Penny’s overstuffed catalog as a child, picking out dresses and matching shiny shoes. She imagined Johnny thumbing through cheap suits, wondering if his tailor, yes, his tailor, could at least make the one he selected look like he’d gotten it from a mid-priced store.

  “Never mind,” she said, “I know you’re more of a—how do you say?—smartly dressed bloke?”

  Johnny nodded and Jaylah threw the car in gear, heading toward Rodeo Drive. He watched as she switched lanes, honking and mumbling curse words under her breath as traffic inched along Sepulveda Boulevard. She caught a glimpse of him shaking his head after she yelled at a driver who had cut her off.